Peter Kay the tour that doesn t Tour DVD
Posted on : 13-01-2012 | By : goteverything | In : Uncategorized
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Late one night I was channel surfing and came across the highlights of one of those risible TV talent shows. I’m not proud of it. It just happened to be broadcasting at the same time as I was watching. Of course, my first instinct was to change the channel but I’d dropped the remote and then spilled salsa all down the front of my pyjamas, so I physically couldn’t. The scene that unfolded was truly awful, even for a genre that is defined by exceptionally low standards. I watched, awestruck, at how dreadful the performance unfolding before me truly was.
The Woman on stage was engaged in some sort of hopelessly misguided attempt at stand up comedy. She bombed faster than a fat kid with a broken parachute, but wasn’t nearly as funny. I could only imagine her ‘friends’ watching at home, laughing until their sides split at how they’d ‘encouraged’ her to attempt such tomfoolery. And how hard it must have been to keep a straight face when they did. At the conclusion of her disastrous ‘performance’ the Woman derailed into outright joke-theft, of a kind that would make even Dane Cook blush.
“Garlic bread!?” She shouted, incredulously. “Garlic bread!?” The audience looked on, bewildered. They got the joke, but only because they’d seen Peter Kay’s ‘Live at the Top of the Tower’ DVD. Kay’s hilariously well-calculated strike at the Brits abroad stereotype, which culminated in the incredulous cry of cultural confusion “GARLIC BREAD!?” had almost everyone who saw it in stitches. In this ‘retelling’, which had no ties whatsoever to food, holidays or Peter Kay, the punch line was annexed from both the joke and the comedian who made it funny in the first place. Following a blanket of stern silence, the joke thief receded into the night, hopefully never to be heard from again (unless ‘Mock The Week’ do a ‘Bottom Of The Barrel’ special hosted by Jeff Dunham).
Still, she gave a good hard middle finger to the crowd before she strutted away, confident that her esoteric brand of humour had been pitched over the heads of the dim-witted malcontents in the audience. As a sometime singer/songwriter, it was hard not to admire the gesture, even if the performer left a lot to be desired.
The point of my lurid tale is this; whatever it is, leave it to the professionals. Peter Kay is funny. Very funny. Yes, he pissed me off with that god damned ‘Amarillo’ song too, but that was years ago, and I’ve forgiven him for it. Besides, his ‘Live 8’ performance of said song, in which he showed up completely arseholed, forgot the lyrics and then refused to get off stage several minutes after being asked to, more than made up for it.
