With the winter’s icy chill at the nape of our necks and Jack Frost popping up at inconvenient times to bite our collective noses, there’s never been a better time to get a new pair of gloves. “Oh, come now”, you say, “what’s this futile exercise in stating the decidedly obvious in aid of?” Well, I’ll tell you, Squire. These aren’t just any old gloves. Oh no.

Picture the scene: you’re standing in a busy London tube station. You’re cold, wet and hungry. You can’t afford to spend £29.99 on a crappy little cardboard, egg mayo and bits of recycled plastic bottles sandwich, even with the crusts cut off. You get the text you’re waiting for, FINALLY, but you have to take your gloves off to read it. Oh yeah, that’d be annoying, wouldn’t it? Before you know it, you’re hurrying to get your phone back in your pocket before a tube load of pigeon-like Londoners shovel, shunt and shove you miles away from your intended destination. The bloke with the incomprehensible accent gives you bad directions, or maybe good ones that you just couldn’t hear over the din (but smiled and nodded anyway so as not to appear stupid). You miss the train, you drop your phone and your life feels like you just dropkicked it into the toilet. To top it all off, the text was actually just one of those stupid Orange promotional offers.

Mercifully, our mates at E-Touch have come up with these wonderful ‘Heat Seeking Bat-Gloves’, which, I’ll grant you, is not their real name. Anyway, these magnificent modern marvels allow continued use of PDA’s, Tablet PC’s and mobile phones whilst you still have your gloves on, meaning that you needn’t worry about getting cold hands ever again. Seriously, these are the sort of gloves that Batman would buy if he was getting cold hands and wanted to text somebody.

Heat-Seeking Bat-Gloves are soon to be a common sight on British public transport (not to mention the last word in Gotham City’s winter fashions), so our advice is to get yourself a pair right now. Amazingly, they cost about the same as regular gloves, so there’s no reason not to stuff a pair into your stocking this Christmas Eve (unless of course you don’t own any touchscreen technology, that’s actually a pretty good reason).

The earlier scene changes when you buy yourself a snug new pair of Heat Seeking Bat-Gloves. In this retelling, the text comes in; you check it casually, at your leisure, stopping to smile at the attractive stranger across the way. Then, as the stream of Londoners part like the red sea around you (perhaps in awe of your ability to use touchscreen technology even through your gloves), you calmly step onto the right train and plant yourself in the seat next to the aforementioned cutie-pie. Our suggested one-liner:

“I know what you’re thinking. Well, it’s true. I actually am Batman.”

Keep your hands warm whilst touching the right buttons on your touch screen phone with the best price for the gloves here